Unrelated Shit: "Language, and Peoples' Errors that are Relatively Unknown"

First off, I'm going to say things that are absolutely erroneous, and if you ever use them you should feel like scum, because that's what you are:

1. Anyways. You see this shit? Stop it. It's "Anyway".
2. Lay vs. Lie. These two words actually require a little explanation.
1. Lay is a verb that is used for the object, e.g. "Lay the panties you stole from your mother's drawer over on the table and shave your beard, son, it's getting too long."
   The subject is you, implied by the imperative, and the object is your mother's panties that you stole so you could look at yourself in the mirror and touch yourself.
2. Lie is a verb that is used for the subject, e.g. "I am going to go lie down on top of the pile of cyanide-laced egg shells I've been collecting for the last three years in order to end your nagging."
   The subject is I, and the object is the cyanide-laced egg shells I've been collecting for three years in order to end having to endure someone's niggling personality.
3. And I really hate to have to say this, since I know, you, vous, ni, Sie, أنت, вы, my readers, are incontestably intelligent enough to know these differences:



This is you.
You should be ashamed.

1. You're/Your: You are, versus You [possess].
   As in:
1. "You're an asinine duffer, whose mind is inundated by nothing but nescience, if you don't understand these differences."
   I am saying you are an asinine duffer.
2. "Your mind is a terrible thing to waste, and not knowing these differences, might just be an omen that it's too late."
   Your mind belongs to you, for the most part, and it is you that I am addressing.
2. Than/Then: Comparison, versus Time.
   As in:
1. "My penis is bigger than yours."
   I am comparing, laughably, your penis, to mine.
2. "If your understanding of these verbs after this lovely little lecture is still devoid of substance, then you are a lummox."
   There is not a comparison here, I am saying, if you are this, it follows that you are that.
3. Whose/Who's: Possession, versus Verb Contraction.
   As in:
1. "My ladyfriend, whose alphabetical indexing of her cornucopia of DVD's is borderline obsessive, is actually a dude."
   I am talking about the ladyfriend's cornucopia, of which she owns.
2. "Who's been playing with my dildo? It smells like chocolate and shame."
   If expanded, this would say "Who has been playing[...]", that's it.
4. Two/Too/To: Number, versus Amount, versus Connector
   As in:
1. "It is debated whether Hitler had two balls."
   How many balls did Hitler have? The world may never know.
2. "I'm going to get you, and your little dog, too!"
   The Wicked Witch of the West is addressing Dorothy and referencing her dog, Toto, after.
3. "I'm going to Adam & Eve.com to see if their 13 inch dildo is available yet."
   This says that I am going into the interblag, specifically Adam&Eve.com, hoping that they have their 13 inch dildo available. Damn, do you know how hard it was to make that sentence without using "to"?
5. There/Their/They're: Place (In different categories), versus Possession, versus Verb Contraction.
   As in:
1. "There have been a lot of dildo references in this post, so far."
   I am saying, that in the location I am talking about, an oddly large amount of dildo references have been made.
2. "There was a nonillion dollars in their accounts combined."
   They have 1 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 USD (or 1 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 £ (Nonillion has two different meanings, fuck's sake.)) in a joint bank account they own.
3. "They're withdrawing their nonillion dollars, hilariously, since that would weigh a few *mumble mumble cough cough* pounds."
   They are withdrawing a lot of money from their accounts.
4. "Farther" and "Further":
1. Farther is a word used specifically for physical difference, but at times this can be blurred with figurative distance, in which further would be used. In those situations, it is up to you. That's seriously all I can give you.
1. "The "little-person" strip club is a little bit farther up the road."
2. "My ding-a-ling is further along in development than Jimmy's."

That's all for this week, folks.

Witty Catchphrase