Unrelated Shit: "A 'Real' Math Problem?"

How about... no?

A tidbit of math for those insomniacs who, for some ungodly reason, still read stuff I post on here.

Now, the "hilarious" example typically posited of "How math is taught vs. How math is tested", is meant to infuriate, and to exemplify (a hyperbole, of course) the "typical" course of mathematics.

A hilariously simple problem, typically instantiated for the example on a math test:

"Mary has three apples, and John has two, calculate the mass of the sun."

This is laughably simple.

Mary has four letters. John has four as well.

Now, if we take the numerical values (of 26) of the letters and multiply them by four, we have passed the first threshold.

Thusly: Mary = 1311825

John = 1015814

Multiply both by 4: 1311825 x 4 = 5247300

1015814 x 4 = 4063256

Now, respectively, they've three and two apples: 5247300 x 3 = 15741900

4063256 x 2 = 8126512

Now, in a typical situation of apple-holding, one or two are exchanged.

So we can safely assume, at some point, the apples were exchanged, probably for sex, and we must also factor this into our calculations. Now, the value of a stock exchange is almost entirely arbitrary and unpredictable.So, going off of the figures of the NY Stock Exchange values of stock price per metric ton of apples of the year the question is asked, we can determine the exact values that the stockholders have assignated to the trade between the two.

At this point, the numerical values determined by the previous calculations shall now be considered to be in metric tons, the value of stock exchanged (which way the apples are traded does not matter), so, the stockholdings that Mary has is: 24.7 x 15741900 = 388824930

and for John: 24.7 x 8126512 = 200724846

Multiplied, these equal to 7.804682e16.

Now, since these were multiplied, it can then be assumed the previously insinuated sex act traded has resulted in a pregnancy, so we then must add 100% of the value to compensate for the added child.

This is now equal to: 1.560936e17.

The child, whose attributed value, is actually a negative amount, since children cost approximately 300 thousand, we must subtract this.

We are now at an unchanged: 1.560936e17.

John and Mary, two extremely generic names, have now given birth to a child, since we can expect the math teacher to be extremely uncreative, we can assume the child's name will be Chris.

We must now do the nomenclature math again.

Chris = 3818919, as per usual, in a will the entirety of one's stock is given to the inheriting/living individual, once the two, Mary and John, expire, Chris will inherit all of their investments, thusly, we must then multiply his estimated value against their stock's value: 3818919 x 1.560936e17 = 5.961088e23

However, since Chris was born into such a troubled family, he will have almost no sentimentality, and will sell these stockholdings for something else, with an inflated value, the apple stock of an estimated then 35.7 must be used to calculate how much his trade is worth. 35.7 x 5.961088e23 = 2.128108e25

But lo and behold! We've not added in the Apple nomenclature:

Apple = 11616125

Multiply this times the previous value: 11616125 x 2.128108e25 = 2.472037e32.

However, these values are all used in the metric ton, we must now convert from a metric ton to a kilogram, the standard measurement for mass: 2.472037e32 / 1000 = 2.472037e29.

And finally, we do the final steps.

1.  We multiply by 3 to account for the three ending members of this problem: 2.472037e29 x 3 = 7.416111e29.
2. We double this number for the weight of the test grade: 7.416111e29 x 2 = 1.483222e30.
3. And finally, We multiply by major notifications we've taken.
4. Each with decreasing value.

• 1.00 for the actual problem.
• 0.3 for the amount of people in the end.
• 0.04 for the letters in the names
• 0.001 for the amount of apples left if John's are subtracted from Mary's.
•  1.341 x 1.483222e30 = 1.989001e30

Also written as 1.989e30 kg.

The mass of the sun.

You can look that shit up.

Fortunately, I did it for you.

So next time you share those "funny pictures",

get a real problem. 

This is your math teacher
after accepting defeat.

Witty. Fucking. Catchphrase.